Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
