I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
