Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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