How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
