I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No subtext here. People are naked.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
