Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
