he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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