Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
