I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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