You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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