I got chris browned last night
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
