it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I puked a lego.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
