just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
