I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
