I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
