Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
