The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
