You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
