living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He passed out mid-signature
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
