i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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