It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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