I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
