ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
