I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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