He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
