He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
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I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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