I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
