yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
