i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
