We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
