I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
