I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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