Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
