the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
