Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
