I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
