shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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