I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Someone came in the potted fern
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
