In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
