whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
