Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
