just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
