the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
