Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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