Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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