Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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