Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
