O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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