ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
