I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
