I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
