More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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