I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
