Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
