I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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