I think i peed on brittanys purse
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
