I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
