how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
