im drinking this country out of the recession.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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