1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
