I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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