I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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