You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
