You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
