Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
